Stop the Lie of Can't!

Ask a room of kindergartners who among them can sing, and all their hands shoot up.  They sing everyday, of course they can sing. 

Ask the same kids when they hit 3^rd grade and fewer hands go up.  Ask them when they hit 6^th or 7^th grade and 1-2 hands may rise.  Then ask them to sing Happy Birthday, and like magic, they all CAN sing. 

Can I do something has been translated into Do I think I am good enough.

Does this sounds familiar to any of you?  It sure rings true for me.  If you had asked me in middle or high school if I could paint or make art, NO would have been my answer.  Because I decided that art wasn’t something I was good at, I also decided that I couldn’t do it.

But I could paint—no one needed to teach me how to dip a brush in paint and touch it to a canvas.  Heck, even elephants can paint—check them out on you tube: https://youtu.be/owSZs7H24UY.

When we decide we are not good enough at something, we stop doing it or don’t even try. We limit ourselves. When we decide we are not worthy—of attention, respect, love, or effort—we play small and make excuses. 

Why does this matter?  What difference would it make if I never picked up a paintbrush, or took a stone carving class?  What if I played safe my whole life and never tried something I might fail at or not “like?”  Who would care?

I would. I would be living a small, limited life. I certainly wouldn’t be writing this. I wouldn’t have changed careers a couple times, started two businesses, traveled the world, lead non-profit boards and chaplain teams, or found out that I’m actually pretty good at making art—with a camera, paintbrush and carving tools.

I don’t believe that we are meant to live small, unadventurous, limited lives.  I believe that we all have gifts and ideas and stories inside us that will inspire others and change the world for the better if we choose to step outside our comfort zones and share them.  Outside our comfort zone is where the magic happens.

What have you decided that you “can’t” do?  Is it to learn a new technology, travel solo, speak in public, write a book or poem, learn to ski, or to ask for a raise?  I hear all the time—I don’t cook, I don’t dance, I don’t go to Queens, or I don’t do math. 

What if you could?  What if you did?  How much bigger would your world be?  How many more options and adventures could you have?

My challenge for you is to “Just do it.”  Do one thing, something new, different, and definitely outside your comfort zone. Do something that you have decided that you can’t or don’t do.  Choose to picture a great outcome.  Choose that perfectly imperfect is the best result.

Start saying that you can, or you will, or you can learn.  Because you can, and the world needs your unique light to shine bright!

I know you can!

Be well--Carol

Money--What is the Big Secret?

When you hear the words “money” and “secret” in the same sentence, you might assume I’m gonna be talking about the Law of Attraction and how to attain wealth with your thoughts and intention. But not so much.  What interests me more is that money is such an uncomfortable topic.  I have rarely found a group of people just hanging out and talking about their relationship with money if they weren’t financial professionals or at a money workshop. 

When was the last time you hung out with your friends and discussed what you earn, what you save, and what your fears or insights are about money?  Never would be my response, but we talk about almost everything else—death, drugs, sex, politics, children’s literature. What is the big taboo about money?

For me, I feel that money is so wrapped up with self-esteem and my view of being worthy and valuable, that I risk being exposed as Not Enough if I spoke about my income and lack of financial savvy.  And this is regardless of my income and level of financial savvy—because I might be the wealthiest and smartest one in the room, but we will never know. And what if we did know—what might change in our relationships?  Hmmm….

As a new entrepreneur, try to have a discussion about setting fees and what peers charge and how that is working for them.  I live in a city with millions of potential clients and maybe ten thousand coaches at the high end.  There is no lack of opportunity for abundance for everyone, but it is the rare entrepreneur that speaks openly about how they are doing financially, what fees work, and what their concerns are.  What would happen if we could just say, “I charge this much an hour, some clients don’t blink, others run screaming”. Why is there an assumption that we should all have this money thing figured out? And when we find that one shining star that has found the key for them, we make their way THE RIGHT way?

And what, really, does my financial worth say about my value as a friend, spouse, business professional or member of society?  Is Bill Gates a better human being, father, husband because he has loads of cash? Are any of the Kardashians, who are famous and wealthy because they are famous and wealthy, people that you want your children to use as role models?  And we know Oprah is still working on her stuff—in great looking homes and locations—but is it about the money?  I know most of us want to find out. 

I want peace of mind, excellent health, a passionate partner, true friends, a creative/prosperous career and a wonderful home. 

How do I separate the almighty dollar from my definition of self-worth? I think it may be about creating a definition of what I want money to mean for me.  Money is an instrument of possibility and opportunity.  

This definition creates some detachment for me from the allure that money means more or reflects on me in any way. More money can mean more possibility and opportunity; less money may mean I need to be more creative, more conscientious, and more intentional with it.  Simple—not easy.

My goal is to take the shame and taboo out of the money conversation. We all have it and need it to some extent. We all use it daily. We tend to feel that either there is never enough, or that we personally don’t have enough—no matter how much we have. So, why the big secret???

______________________________

Carol Dacey-Charles, ACC, CPCC    

I am an ICF-accredited life, leadership and sudden wealth coach. I partner with my clients to find balance, clarity and peace of mind on their way to creating the lives they have always wanted. There are no extra points for suffering--Why Not Thrive?

Contact me for a complimentary 30-minute sample session, carol@ynoththrive.com