Accountability—3 Tips to Get Some

One reason I have found that New Year’s Resolutions (and other big life-change proclamations) don’t get accomplished is a lack of accountability. 

There is no one following up with us, seeing how we are progressing along the way, reminding us of what we want to accomplish.

I find that even the most responsible, dependable, follow-through to the nth degree people are good with letting things slide if she or he is the only one affected. 

How did we learn that it was okay to disappoint ourselves? Why are we last on our own priority list?  And how can we get the support and accountability to become our best selves?

3 tips to get some accountability going:

1—Go Public

Using social media is one way to put out your commitment to the world and have your friends, followers or like-minded others cheer you on. I have seen this work well with commitments to weight loss, exercise, cooking more, and daily gratitude as people post their progress at regular intervals and get support and encouragement along the way. 

The upside is that your reporting on social media adds to the incentive to keep going.  The downside can be the very public aspect of social media.  If your life circumstances change or you just aren’t keeping on your path—everyone will know it.

2—Get an Accountability Partner

Having an accountability partner can be a great way to get, and potentially give, support on the journey to changing habits or achieving a goal.

Decide the parameters of your partnership. How often will you communicate and in what format?  Is the partnership solely about you achieving your goal or do you both want accountability? 

I have found that having an accountability partner who is also a coach who is growing his business has been hugely helpful for me.  We set out 2-weeks worth tasks for ourselves. We push each other to stretch a bit farther.  We share resources and ideas all in a quick 30-40 minute call twice a month.

3—Hire a Coach

Shocking I would suggest this, I know, but I continually hear from my clients that it is the accountability aspect of coaching that is one of the most valuable.  I know that I don’t want to fail to do the work I have set out for myself and then get asked about it by my coach. 

My coach actually takes me seriously when I say I will get something done and treats me like I’m worth achieving my goals.  My coach also questions me when I get overly ambitious and helps me set sane boundaries around work and personal time. I also find it helpful to have someone reminding me that personal, fun, just-me goals are important too!

With a coach, it is all about you.  A coach keeps an eye on your big picture; sees when you may be getting stuck and helps you get back on track.  The accountability, customized support and push to have you move out of your comfort zone to where the magic actually happens, are all great benefits of having a coach.

If you are considering a coach, click here for a complimentary session to see if my coaching is right for you!

Be well,

Carol

Powerball Dreaming: What To Do If Sudden Wealth Comes Calling

Can you feel the slight frenzy in the air? 1.4 billion dollars are up for the winning this week in the Powerball lottery. Do you have your ticket yet? I have mine! Of course I do--because even though I have better odds of being elected president than winning, there is a chance. And you can’t win if you don’t play.

As a sudden wealth coach who works with people dealing with the emotional and logistical fallout of financial windfalls, what is my plan if my numbers are pulled this week? 

It is the same as the advice I give to my clients who come into $20,000, $20 million or $200 million from a lawsuit, divorce, retirement payout, dream job, business sale or inheritance.  And those windfalls happen all the time.

1—Pause and Assess

            Don’t rush into anything. Most financial windfalls are the result of a big change.  Any loss or change of routine comes with disorientation and various stages of grief and overwhelm.  The emotions can range from relief, to lack of deserving, to anxiety about the added responsibilities.

            With these changes also comes a redefining of identity—from married to divorced, or widowed, from the guy in charge to retiree, from the co-worker to the boss, or from part of cast to the star.  It takes time to accommodate this new role and figure out the new rules and responsibilities.

            Stepping back from Doing, allows you to start the process of figuring out what is important now and who you want to be in the midst of all this change.

2—Make a Plan.

            Take time to create a plan.  For some people, 3-4 months extra salary at once can be over-whelming and be gone faster than it came. Even if this is “play money” for you, make a plan of how you want to spend it, share it, pay-it-forward and/or save it. 

           

            Even if the amount seems bigger than you could ever spend in a lifetime, trust me, there will be plenty of people and opportunities to prove you wrong.  

            Creating a solid plan helps you focus on what is important to you, establish good boundaries, and gives you structure when there are way too many options.

2—Build Your Team

            Hire a team of professionals you like and respect to help you protect your assets and limit your liabilities. Typical team members include: a financial planner (CFP, wealth manager, etc.), a tax attorney, CPA, insurance professional, estate attorney.  And, yes, a certified coach as a sounding board, perspective shifter and accountability partner.

            There may be others you want for your circumstances, but what is important is that you feel heard and that you are comfortable with your team.  If you don’t understand a concept—ask questions. If you are still confused, ask more questions.  If you do not get clarity, get a new team member.

            You do not need to be an expert, but you do need to understand how your money is being invested and why.

3—“No” is your Friend

            There will be many people who will want to help you spend and invest your new found fortune.  Family, friends and strangers will approach you with opportunities and tales of woe.  Stick to your plan.  You are not responsible for everyone.  If you want to share, work with your team to create a plan to make that happen.

            If someone or some project is not part of your plan, you can gently tell them no or not at this time.  You can even “blame” your lawyers or advisers for not being able to help at this time.  Remember, every No is a Yes to something else.

4—Self-Care

            It is okay to treat yourself well when you have a windfall.  Eat well, get plenty of sleep, exercise, and take time for reflection—through meditation or journaling.  You will change and grow as you adjust to your new circumstances and you want to be able to follow your instincts. 

           

            What have you always wanted to do, but have been putting it off? What toy or treasure have you always wanted, but have denied yourself?  Life isn’t about the stuff AND living by a code of self-denial isn’t a virtue. 

Financial windfalls are much more common that the Powerball hitting $1Billion.  Having a plan and the support to put it into place can help reduce the stress and make it a time of opportunity rather than a minefield of overwhelm.

When Loss is Part of the Picture: 6 Tips for Sanity in the Holiday Season

Whether this time of year makes you giddy with anticipation, or heavy with anticipation, the holidays can be a LOT. There are the expectations, the excesses and the relatives—that can push our buttons, warm our hearts, or make Syria look like a good vacation option.

I have to admit that I generally like the holidays. Thanksgiving is my holiday of chosen family and friends.  Christmas is about traditions.

Yes, I’m one of the cultural Jews that grew up with a tree, stockings on the fireplace, and all.  We have a real tree, decorated and lit. We open stockings first, then gifts, one item at a time, round robin style—glass of juice mandatory.

But I have also had years when the holidays mostly sucked.  A few years back my mother-in-law passed away on Dec 26.  That was a month after her husband, my father-in law, had made his transition.  Happy Holidays!

A couple years after that, another unexpected death, this one a best friend, happened on Dec 5.  That was a year of just getting through not only the winter holidays, but all the “special occasions”—birthdays, holidays, vacations, Fridays.

I found that this death colored the entire year. I learned when you love big, you get the opportunity to hurt big. 

I can imagine that any major loss or change—a divorce, a retirement, a major illness, a move to a new state, or the death of a loved one—can make the holidays feel anything but jolly. 

So, how do we ease the pressure to be “Merry and Bright” just because the calendar and Toys R Us says so, and find a way to be fully present to our friends, families and feelings instead?

1.  Self-Care—Yes the holidays are about giving, so give some love to yourself first.  Get plenty of sleep, eat well, exercise and indulge a little in a hot bath or massage. 

2.  Feel your feelings—Putting on a happy face isn’t required, neither is being sad, if that isn’t what you are feeling.  Take a break from the crowd if you are overwhelmed, or cozy in with your peeps who love you just as you are.

3.  Boundaries—Do you need to cook the turkey, bake the pies, send out the holiday cards, or buy everyone a gift “like you do every year”?   It isn’t every year; it is okay to just say no.  Set up the expectations in advance of what you are willing to do or not.

4.  Ask for Help—It is truly a win-win. When you ask for help, it allows your friends and family to support you in a specific and tangible way. It can be hard to know how to be and what to do around someone in grief. Asking for help allows others to show you their love.

5.  Abolish “should” from your holidays—Let go of the perfect picture of what the holidays are “supposed” to be.  What do you want your holidays to be about this year? Is it family, friends, laughter, nature, sacred moments, connection, or gratitude? Focus on what is important to you—share that with your loved ones.

For me, sharing simple, heart-felt, expressions of love with friends and family felt much more important than spending hours in a mall or online buying stuff just because. 

6.  Create a new tradition—Sometimes a brand new ritual can help shift the energy from the past to right now.  Writing down one thing you are grateful for on a post-it and putting that in a jar each day. The gratitudes can be read at the end of the month, or end of the year.

Even positive changes—a marriage, new baby, or dream job—have the potential for anxiety as traditions and relationships are altered or newly created.  The negotiation of who to celebrate with, and when, can be crazy making.

So whether you are moving through major changes, or just want more sanity with your celebrations, I wish you joy and peace in this season.

I am holding you and yours as loved, worthy, safe and whole.

Be well,

Carol