Home for the Holidays

--originally posted Dec 2013
The concept of Home has been gnawing at me lately.  What and where is “Home?” Is it a building, a city, a person?  I have lived in NYC since 1996, but I don’t own it as Home.  I am Californian, a Northern Californian, from the Bay Area really, Santa Clara specifically. Yet I no longer have family ties to Silicon Valley. My family house from 1957-2005 has new cars in the driveway and new cats in the yard. And if you have ever driven by the building where you grew up, and it definitely wasn’t Home anymore, you know the weird and empty feeling that it leaves in you. The knowing of “You can’t go Home again” as a true place/time reference which rings true as the years go by.

I’m also dubious of the concept that Home is the people you are with, or a person you love. If that were the case, if/when they move on (kid goes to college, relationship breaks-up, someone close dies), do you then become Homeless?  In a way, yes. When my father passed away in 2000, and when a member of my inner circle died suddenly last year, I did become untethered and ungrounded by the lack of their Beingness in my life.  But if Home were only people (or pet) dependent, it would be a series of falling off center, especially as you live longer and love more. Then who would want to strive for the Home that Dorothy so longs for if it were just a series of inevitable losses?

So, I’m thinking that Home is a feeling rather than a person or a place.  Home is a sense of belonging and comfort and even a little familiarity no matter where I am, or who I am with.  For me to feel at Home I need to be grounded—not second-guessing myself, not trying to please or impress others, but knowing that how I am is enough.

Part of my grounding is knowing that I am a planner, preparer, and researcher. So ideally, I do my homework about the situation I’m putting myself in—whether it is a vacation, presentation, workshop or coaching. Then, ideally, I hold my options lightly to be able to be with what shows up.  This way I am at choice—whether it is to choose a new city to see because of a railroad strike, or to ask a different question when a client feels stuck, or know that I can find something healthy when the people I’m with want fast food for the 3^rd meal in a row. 

This holiday season I will be traveling across the country, but my goal is to be at Home.  It is more than just a decision; it is a game plan and a practice.  Below is what I’m going to try for me—use what you like, let me know what works for you.

Goal: Feeling at Home while on the road.

Looks like: Low stress, easy, fun, lots of choice, being in the moment, grounded, and comfortable.

The Plan: (Ideally)

       1.  Do my homework before takeoff.  Where will I be staying? Transportation options, Food options, Fun options.  Plan one/two fun things in advance. Make any reservations for that to happen.

       2.   Institute a Daily Practice. For me that means everyday I would like a little: Meditation, Exercise, Fun, Good Food, and to try or experience Something New.

      3.  Transparency. Let those I’m with know about my Daily Practice so it doesn’t become “an issue.”  Invite them to play along or at least be prepared for my needs in advance.

      4.  Practice "Being Love" each day. This may include smiling at strangers. Saying thank you more. Random acts of kindness. Appreciating my family. And remembering Gratitude.

Happy Holidays to you.  May you have peace, love, prosperity, happiness, and Home wherever you may be.